I was feeling light-headed, woozy, ‘different’, ‘off’- not like myself. It felt a bit like the flu. I did a mental checklist of what I ate in the last 12 hours and found there was nothing out of the ordinary. I couldn’t figure out why I felt ‘wrong’. Then it hit me. I forgot to take my anti-depressant medication at breakfast – about 2 hours ago.
That was my FIFTH attempt in 5 years to find an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that worked AND didn’t have side effects that were intolerable. It was crazy to me that 2 hours from my dosage could cause such dramatic physical side effects. I felt trapped, married to this drug that was wreaking havoc on my body. The kicker was, it had calmed my anxiety and I felt more balanced in my emotions than I had in a really long time. However, the flu-like symptoms weren’t the only side effects, I was also having nightmares. My children were dying horrific deaths in my dreams nearly every night. I tried to shake it off in the morning, but the nightly barrage of that visual took a toll on me.
I was angry.
I was frustrated.
I cried. A LOT.
I prayed: Please Lord lead the doctors to choose a drug that will help me manage my depression and anxiety.
Even as I was saying that prayer I knew I
couldn’t wouldn’t put my body through another 6-8 week trial of a different drug,
I was done.
I couldn’t do it. So..
I lost hope.
I had to LIVE with my depression and anxiety.
My husband and children had to LIVE with ME.
I was a MESS.
I needed an alternative. I WANTED to be a better version of myself I just didn’t know how. What I knew was that prescription antidepressants were not for me. Why?
- I didn’t want to wait and see if a new drug would work
- I didn’t want to have to try and figure out the right dosage over several months only to discover (again) it wouldn’t work.
- I didn’t want to deal with side effects.
- I didn’t want to go through the process of weaning myself of this said-drug. After all, the score at this point was 5 to 0.
So I went back to the drawing board. AGAIN.
After talk therapy, light therapy, drug therapy – what other THERAPY was there?
I was ALONE. My husband was just as frustrated as I was. He was there for me as best as he could, but he didn’t have any more answers than I did. I knew it was my fight. I had to figure out an alternative so I could be the wife and mother they needed. I had to find a way to calm my anxieties, but keep me out of the doldrums of depression. At this point, I had only two advantages.
First, I had God. He is ALWAYS listening. I changed my prayer from wanting to know what drug was best for me to: Please Lord, help me find a way to feel better. Guide me on a path that will lead to healing.
Second, I am a FIGHTER. When I am knocked down I always get back up. Sometimes it takes me a bit longer to get back up, especially after a big loss or disappointment, but I return to the ring of life and get back at it.
My journey to wellness is ongoing, but I have discovered some great tools for treating my depression and anxiety WITHOUT using prescription medication.
Stay tuned for PART 2 next week to find out what alternative therapies you can try to treat your depression and anxiety.
Are you PRAYING for you health? What are you Praying for? Share in the comments and I will pray with you and for you.
Are you FIGHTING for your health? Please share in the comments and we can fight together!
Please note: This post is about my personal experience with prescription anti-depressants. It is in no way medical advise. Please talk to your doctor before changing or going off any medications.